We all know the effects of holding grudges and bad feelings toward ourselves and others–it weighs us down and holds an icky place in our heart. But how do we let that stuff go? I used to be a big grudge holder. I came to find out that this was the result of my own insecurities, feeling like what other people did to me was about me instead of simply being about their own human limitation.
To let all this go, I wrote down the name of every person who I felt had wronged me on a little slip of paper. Then I held it over my sink and thanked this person for what the experience had taught me, like how to be stronger or more compassionate. Or how to take the high road, or how to trust my intuition. I found one positive thing. Even if it was just giving me the chance to practice forgiveness. Then I lit that little paper on fire while blessing this person and myself. My anger literally went up in smoke! Instead of anger I felt love for them and myself. That bundle of burdens that I had been carrying for so long was released. And my life changed profoundly.
In my last post I dealt with The Queen of Swords and trust issues. That was about trusting/distrusting others and trust/ lack of trust in Life itself. The Queen of Wands has it easier because she trusts herself. She trusts in her ability to handle what others and Life bring her way. She doesn’t expect people to behave a certain way or for outcomes to always be to her liking. But she is confident in her ability to make the most of it. Yeah–Queen of Wands! My Role Model!
I’ll admit it, I have trust issues. And the Queen of Swords has them too. She’s been coming up in my readings a lot because I’ve moved and the whole process of moving or doing anything that big requires trust. So it’s time for me to look at TRUST.
The Queen of Swords seems to anticipate problems, her watchful eye is looking to cut away the source of them. Sometimes that is exactly what the situation calls for, but I don’t want to walk through life with my sword ready.
For me it’s two issues, trusting other people and trusting Life. Trusting others is a little tricky because they are not always trustworthy, but on average more of them are than not. And usually things can be worked out with a little effort and communication.
When I dug a little deeper, I realized that my trust problem really stems from something larger–not really trusting in life. For example: when people don’t follow through or do as they say or disappoint in some way, I sometimes blow that up into–the whole project will fail.
This catastrophizing is taking away from my pleasure. I want to relax and trust in Life. I’m glad that the Queen of Swords has been showing up, reminding me that the sword is always at my disposal; but I can leave it in its sheath, and only take it out when I really need it. Just acknowledging this issue, has lessened my fear and made my heart lighter.
The 8 of Think in my deck ( traditional 8 of Swords) is about being caught up in our own minds, whether it be through anxiety, depression, fear or frustration. The first step to working with this mental state is acceptance.
I’ve had cyclical depression since my teenage years, and through the power of acceptance, I’ve learned to say to myself : “I’m depressed”. That simple statement is so liberating! It acknowleges how I feel and ends the struggle. The struggle to find the cause, to blame myself or someone or something else. So now, I am just experiencing the depression, which I know will pass, without the added shame, guilt and anger.
And the really cool part is that by accepting how I feel–I am accepting myself on a deep level. That is healing!