Trust and the Queen of Swords

qs.gifI’ll admit it, I have trust issues. And the Queen of Swords has them too. She’s been coming up in my readings a lot because I’ve moved and the whole process of moving or doing anything that big requires trust. So it’s time for me to look at TRUST.

The Queen of Swords seems to anticipate problems, her watchful eye is looking to cut away the source of them. Sometimes that is exactly what the situation calls for, but I don’t want to walk through life with my sword ready.

For me it’s two issues, trusting other people and trusting Life. Trusting others is a little tricky because they are not always trustworthy, but on average more of them are than not. And usually things can be worked out with a little effort and communication.

When I dug a little deeper, I realized that my trust problem really stems from something larger–not really trusting in life. For example: when people don’t follow through or do as they say or disappoint in some way, I sometimes blow that up into–the whole project will fail.

This catastrophizing is taking away from my pleasure. I want to relax and trust in Life. I’m glad that the Queen of Swords has been showing up, reminding me that the sword is always at my disposal; but I can leave it in its sheath, and only take it out when I really need it. Just acknowledging this issue, has lessened my fear and made my heart lighter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anxiety and Compulsion and NOTHING

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Recently I gave up the habit of biding on ebay. I had been addicted to the search, the bidding process and the anticipation of winning. When I dropped this habit what was left was: NOTHING in it’s place. I believe that warding off NOTHING is why I developed the habit. Maybe NOTHING is behind every compulsion and anxiety. And behind these little compulsions and anxieties are what really makes us anxious: like death being in our future and the truth that so much of life is not in our control. Being okay with those truths is scary, but liberating.

Trapped by my own Mind–The 8 of Think

IMG_2261The 8 of Think in my deck ( traditional 8 of Swords) is about being caught up in our own minds, whether it be through anxiety, depression, fear or frustration. The first step to working with this mental state is acceptance.

I’ve had cyclical depression since my teenage years, and through the power of acceptance, I’ve learned to say to myself : “I’m depressed”. That simple statement is so liberating! It acknowleges how I feel and ends the struggle. The struggle to find the cause, to blame myself or someone or something else. So now, I am just experiencing the depression, which I know will pass, without the added shame, guilt and anger.

And the really cool part is that by accepting how I feel–I am accepting myself on a deep level. That is healing!