Greed, Grasping and The Justice Card

Justice

I have to admit that I haven’t been happy the last few weeks. I’d been trying to push that feeling aside and focus on getting things done, but it really hit me this morning. Thinking about it, I realized: my greed (what Buddhist’s call grasping) was causing my unhappiness.

It just so happened that at last night’s Tarot meeting, Justice was discussed. The Justice Card calls us to look at our own lives, our past and present behavior and to “own our shit” so to speak. Well, I had some pretty stinky stuff to see about myself.

  1. I’m grasping at success.
  2. I’ve been doing the same thing over and over throughout my life.

My story is: I’m an artist. It’s a weird way to make a living. Some projects work, some don’t. Sometimes I get money, other times not. Usually, I focus on the task at hand and take pleasure in what I’m doing. But once in a while, my mind goes into monkey-mode, and I lose that simplicity.

Recently, I was featured in an article on Tarot. Instead of just being grateful, my mind turned. Publicity, I need more of that!  What can I do? I got busy. I wrote my own articles and found an on-line publisher. And I started this blog. My idea behind all this was that when I’m ready to take the Tarot deck that I’m designing to a publisher, I could say: Look at me. If you publish my deck, I’ll be able to promote it.

The problem with that was that it was making me miserable. I wasn’t in the moment, creating because I had something to share with others, I was doing it for greedy, grasping reasons. And I could feel the effects in my body and mind; I was keyed up and my thoughts wouldn’t give me rest. I asked Life to bring me peace.

I remembered the lesson of the Justice card. Justice demands that I look at my past and the way it effects my present. Often, I’ve grasped for more and caused myself to suffer. As soon as I realized what was going on, calm came to me and I could think clearly.

I’m resolved to go about my business without hurting myself. I still want my cards to get published and I will still work on them, but I will try to do what I need to do each day without so much concern for the future. My wisdom tells me that things unfold in their own way in their own time. I’m still going to write articles, but hopefully without so much attachment. As for this blog, I apologize for the spirit that I brought to it. From now on: I’m only going to write when I have something to say that really comes from my True Self.

3 Comments

  1. I found your honesty soothing. Maybe because I feel torn at times with the same feelings in a different way. Even know I feel the greed or the ego side of me wanting to explain “my way”.
    When, like you, I observe myself I too believe things will work out as they are suppose. I try to humble myself in front of that “wanting to know”. Which is kind of a desire to want to be special. It’s like being a humanitarian or being disengenously nice simply so people will like you. You feel more concerned with what people think of you then you do about what your doing for them.
    It all can send so black and white in writing it but in experiencing or living it I imagine it can’t help but be a combination of both. The Mother Theresa and The Donald Trump live in us all I believe. Sometimes one steers us more then the other and we go between the two on better days.
    You know, part of my writing or my blog is about finding the purpose in the ego, duality, wanting… They are all the same as they arise from the thought of “I Am”. So many times I read most Buddhist or Christian theology I see such a desire to judge, defeat or overcome the ego or the “I Am”. When instead of denying it or attempting to overcome it, acceptance of it is such a more calming antidote.
    I imagine part of duality is the struggle to have acceptance. Its not like acceptance is something we can own. Instead it is a awareness that usually comes to us in the struggle so I see it like the term “Lila”. Life is simply the dance of the Gods wanting to amuse themself. What’s unsettling about “thinking” of it that way is it insults the ego that wants to think of itself and as it does “think of itself” the ego (duality) lives and as it does so does the awareness of non duality become. Non duality sees itself in duality so the ego is not bad or good, it is so Godhead can be experienced.
    What I find myself contemplating is what does all of this self reflection serve. What if I simply lived without it. I see the cross of our own crucifixion in that struggle to simply live and let live.

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  2. Yeah, I think I understand what you’re saying. I doubt that I will ever be free of ego or that I even need to be. Nor will I be free of self reflection because it’s human. But I am practicing letting go of so much grasping because it has proven to make me miserable. I’m eclectic in my spiritual approach. Shadow work has been a great help to me. I was introduced to that through John A. Sanford’s writing; he’s a Christian. In shadow work, just acknowledging the undesirable feeling, quality, etc. changes the relationship to it. I’ve noticed that often that’s all that’s required. Just letting myself see that part of myself and not judging it. Bottom line, since I’m being honest here, all this is about making ME happier. So, hopefully a happier me makes others happier. I’d like to think so. There I am again. ME. It’s okay.

    Thanks a whole lot for your response. It was insightful and timely. I’m designing a tarot deck and working on the Devil card. I’ve decided to make her a trickster instead of patterning her after the Christian Devil. I doubt that the trickster is self reflective, I think that she lives outside of the normal boundaries of life and doesn’t see her behavior as good or bad. She is surprising and comes out of left field, kinda the way life does. The ancients included trickster in the form of Pan and others because they appreciated that energy!

    I hope I understood what you were trying to convey. Please feel free to correct any misconceptions. And I hope we talk again.

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  3. You know, I enjoy seeing how you think. It feels familiar to me. So maybe we just complument each other’s ego and whether that is good or bad I don’t know and I’m trying to be okay not knowing even though my ego wants to know.

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